Faith
by NemKess
Summary: warnings: shonen ai (HakkaiGoku). Sometimes you just have to have a little faith in the one you love.


Title: Faith  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku  
Rating: PG13  
Status: one-shot complete  
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com  
  


Disclaimers: Hakkai and Goku belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^

  
Notes: I can't help it! The madness has claimed me! ^_^ Seriously, it seems like I always fall in love with the hardest pairings out there to find ficcage for. I saw a couple of djs that were Hakkai/Goku, (one particularly sweet looking one) and the bug bit me.

  
Summary: Sometimes you just have to have a little faith in the one you love.   
Warnings: Shonen ai.

~*~*~

When the messenger came, Hakkai thought his heart would stop. He'd expected it, of course. But somehow that hadn't prepared him for the moment when it actually arrived.

His normally energetic and cheerful lover was notably silent and solemn when he accepted the note. With a soft 'thank you' he sent the messenger back and moved to the table. There he sat for a long moment before opening it up with unsteady hands and reading it. 

It was all Hakkai could do not to hover and read over his shoulder.

Luckily, his lover saved him the effort. 

"He needs my help." With a strained grin, he turned the note so that the taller man could read the single line scrawled on it. '_The Aspects assigned us a mission. Be at the temple by tonight- by yourself- or I'll kill you_.' Typical.

No doubt Konzeon Bosatsu had a hand in it. 

Not that it mattered.

Genjo Sanzo called. Son Goku would answer.

It had been six months since their journey to the West had ended. Six months since he and Goku had separated from the others to live together.

Six months that hardly seemed like long enough.

Sanzo hadn't exactly been pleased when he'd noticed that his 'pet' had grown so close to Hakkai while growing apart from himself. He'd been even less pleased when the pair admitted to being lovers. And while the priest had never once commented against them, the former teacher knew that Sanzo hated their relationship with a passion.

But the man's denial and repression wasn't Hakkai's problem except when it hurt Goku. He knew well enough that if Sanzo had given Goku even the slightest hint that his affections were welcome, if Sanzo could have gotten over himself long enough to admit out loud that he cared.... If he had done that, then nothing in the universe could have torn the young man from his sun's side. Not even his growing feelings for Hakkai.

And six months was infinitely better than nothing.

He moved around the kitchen and began preparing travel food. "It's a bit far and Hakuryuu is out somewhere, so you'll have to walk. But I'll make lunch and you can-" His babbling was cut short as slim arms wrapped around his waist and Goku pressed tightly against his back.

"It's okay, Hakkai. I'm coming back."

"I never said you weren't." 

"But you were thinking it."

How easily Goku could read him these days. Hakkai supposed he should be a little more disturbed by it, but at that moment, he was just grateful for the reassurance. Even if he didn't fully believe it. He'd accepted long ago that Sanzo would always hold the greatest piece of Goku's heart, just as he accepted that Sanzo returned those feelings. It was just a matter of time before the priest realized how stupid he was being to deny it. And when that day finally came, Hakkai would lose the second love of his life.

He hoped today wouldn't be the day, but if life had taught him nothing else, it had taught him to be prepared for the worst. 

"I'll make enough food so that you'll have something to eat tonight. The monks are still vegetarians after all." And while Goku's infamous appetite had certainly leveled off quite a bit over the course of their journey west, it was still far above the average human or youkai's. A vegetarian meal would never satisfy it for very long. 

Goku sighed, apparently realizing that Hakkai had no intention of discussing the issue before he left. "Yeah, thanks. Do you need any help?" 

"No, thank you."

The younger man released him, then sat back to watch the food preparations. The unusual silence continued and it was making Hakkai more uneasy than he already was. The golden eyes boring holes into his back weren't exactly helping ease the sensation.

It didn't take long to load the better part of a backpack with foodstuff and a canteen with water, but the time stretched out and it certainly seemed like it took forever. Every pork bun he stuffed into the bag, was one pork bun closer to sending his lover out the door, possibly for good. Every step was one step closer to being miserable again.

The golden eyed brunette was the light in his life, something that had been missing since the night Kanan had committed suicide. Gojyo eased his mind and offered him an easy friendship he'd never have imagined before. Sanzo offered a silent understanding of deep suffering. But only Goku gave him a true joy the likes of which he'd never thought he'd ever be able to feel again.

It was too much ask of him to send the young man away from him and not be upset. 

"Well.... The sooner I leave, the sooner I get back, ne?" Hakkai held out the bag without a word. Sighing again, Goku took the offering and headed to the door. 

He'd almost made it out before the green-eyed man felt compelled to break his own silence. "Goku!" 

Before Goku could turn around, Hakkai had him wrapped up in a similar embrace to the one they'd shared before only with Hakkai behind. 

"Hakkai-"

"Whatever happens.... whatever you decide.... I won't hate you or be angry with you."

With a chuckle, Goku squirmed around until he was facing the taller man. "Hakkai, are you giving me permission to leave you for Sanzo?"

"...." Hakkai just looked away and held his companion tighter. 

A darkly tanned hand reached up to stroke his cheek and he looked down to see Goku staring at him with an adoring expression. "I'm coming back, Hakkai," he repeated his earlier promise. "I do love Sanzo... but I haven't been **in** love with him for a while now. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Goku..." 

"love you..." The shorter raised up on his toes to press a soft kiss against Hakkai's lips. 

His tension eased and Hakkai smiled faintly. "As I love you."

"Good!" Suddenly back to his normal bouncy, cheerful self, Goku offered a victory sign before hopping out the door. "See you in a few days, Hakkai! Don't let that ero kappa eat all our food if he comes over for a visit!"

"see you," Hakkai whispered as he watched his lover leave. 

The doubt hadn't been completely erased, but it wasn't nearly as all-encompassing as before. Goku had never willingly broken a promise yet that he'd seen. 

Life might be cruel and unfair, but Goku was anything but. He just had to have faith in Goku. 


End file.
